Cold is a relative thing . . .

 

60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in South Dakota plant gardens.
 

50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Sioux Falls sunbathe.

40 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in South Dakota drive with the windows down.

32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Oahe gets thicker.

20 above zero:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in South Dakota throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero:

New York landlords finally turn up the heat.

People in South Dakota have the last cookout before it gets cold.
 

Zero:

People in Miami all die.
South Dakotans close the windows.
 

10 below zero:

Californians fly away to Mexico .
People in South Dakota get out their winter coats.
 

25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in South Dakota are selling cookies door to door.
 

40 below zero:

Washington DC runs out of hot air.

People in South Dakota let the dogs sleep indoors.
 

100 below zero:

Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.

South Dakotans get upset because they can't start the Mini-Van.
 

460 (-459.67 F below zero):

ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero, zero on the Kelvin scale.)

People in South Dakota start saying..."Cold 'nuff fer ya?"
 

and last not but not least.....
 

500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
South Dakota public schools will open 2 hours late.